DE Talk | The Weight of Honor: The Story of Military Caregivers

Season 2 • Episode 3

For many, the story of America’s wounded servicemembers is a reminder of the perils of war and uncertainty that exists for those individuals serving. What about the story of the resilient men and women who take on the role of nurse, caregiver, and medical advocate after their wounded loved ones return home? Tune in as Stephanie Howard, the executive producer, director, and writer of the documentary film, The Weight of Honor, discusses this one-of-a-kind documentary and sheds light on the underserved community of 1.1 million post-9/11 military caregivers.

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About DE Talk

For DirectEmployers, it’s all about valuable connections and meaningful conversations. This monthly podcast features honest and open dialogue between powerhouse industry experts on a variety of HR topics ranging from OFCCP compliance advice to emerging recruitment marketing trends, diversity and inclusion initiatives, and insightful solutions that help infuse new life into your HR strategies.

Hosted by Candee Chambers, Executive Director of DirectEmployers Association.

Episode Guest

Episode Transcript

Candee Chambers:

Welcome to the DE Talk podcast. Tune in for dialogue between HR experts to amp up your HR strategies. Don’t worry, we’ll mix in a few laughs as we know you need it. This is Candee Chambers and you’re listening to another episode of the DE Talk podcast. At DirectEmployers, we talk a lot about hiring service members injured during combat and providing accommodations to those talented individuals. Today’s podcast touches on a topic that we don’t discuss nearly enough, military caregivers, the unsung heroes of our nation’s wounded service members.

We are fortune to have Stephanie Howard, the Executive Producer, Director and Writer of the documentary film, The Weight of Honor, join us today. I don’t want to give too much away, but The Weight of Honor is the first comprehensive documentary to chronicle the lives of the caregivers and families of veterans severely injured in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. This documentary really pulled at my heartstrings when I first saw it. I have to say, it painted such a vivid picture of the challenges these caregivers face and how their lives have changed. I could go on and on, but first, let me welcome you to our podcast Stephanie.

Stephanie Howard:

Thank you, Candee. I’m really delighted to be here.

Candee Chambers:

Well, we are very excited to have you join us as well. I’ve enjoyed our conversations every time we’ve spoken, so we’ll give everyone else a chance to get to know you as well. Let’s get started.

Stephanie Howard:

Great. Thank you.

Candee Chambers:

You’ve had a 25 year career in broadcast journalism. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about your background and how that led you to documentary film making?

Stephanie Howard:

I was thinking about it and I have never wanted to be anything else. I’ve always wanted to be a journalist. I have a degree in broadcast journalism and I had internships with some very well known networks, some really great places. I’ve had jobs in markets big and small. Really what brought me to documentaries is something that I knew early on, that your typical new story, if you’re lucky, you’re lucky, is a minute and 20 seconds. Usually, they’re 30 seconds or less. It’s really hard to cover a topic in that amount of time. I frequently would ask and get to do multi part series, hour long specials. I would get to work on those kinds of things because I felt like I could really dive into an issue, really look at different aspects of what makes that an issue. Documentaries were a transition for me. I had to get a point where I had paid my dues enough to where I could do documentaries. That’s where that really comes from.

Candee Chambers:

Okay. It’s funny, documentaries can cover so many different topics and this one, I tell you, really, really, really did a number on me. I can’t wait to have you talk a little bit more about it. Do you have any family members that have a military background or do you have any military background?

Stephanie Howard:

No, not really. My father was in the Air Force and the JAG Corps and was out of the service just around the time I was born. I did not serve. I mean, I think now, if I were to look back on it, I might. But no, the answer is probably a simple no.

Candee Chambers:

Interesting. I met a wounded veteran one… I say wounded. He was a quadriplegic and he had various prosthesis, but he said he didn’t like being called a wounded service member or a wounded warrior. I said, “Well, what do you want to be called?” He goes, “Travis.” That was his name. We don’t really hear a lot about the issues that they go through. I mean, there’s a lot of focus placed on wounded service members, but we don’t understand the actual difficulties that they face or the struggles that they have to overcome. What drew you to creating a documentary about military caregivers and the journeys that they face?

Stephanie Howard:

By the way, I think I know who you’re talking about.

As a journalist, as a filmmaker, I’m just naturally curious and I’m always looking… I think I was in a place where I was really looking for my next film and I was trying to find something that struck a cord in me. I came to this because I had met a group of wounded vets who came to speak here in my hometown in California, at Santa Clarita. They spoke to the students at the junior high and the high school. I had a son at each one of those. The interesting thing was they did not speak about their wounds, they did not, they spoke about what it was like to be different. That really resonated with those students.

Candee Chambers:

Interesting.

Stephanie Howard:

I saw it in person and I thought, “Wow.” I thought about doing something about that, but there are and there were so many films about returning service members, especially the wounded. I just felt like I’m not in a position to say anything new. I just didn’t feel comfortable with that. I felt like I didn’t have the wherewithal in so many areas. A friend of mine who was involved in that program to bring those vets to our town, said, “Well, but no one has done anything about their caregivers.” At first, I said, “Well who, the doctors and nurses?” She goes, “No, the spouses, the families.” I thought about it and started doing research. And yes, that resonated with me because as you and I have talked about, what you just said Candee, no one really knows that much about these people, about the families right.

Candee Chambers:

Not at all.

Stephanie Howard:

When you make a documentary, when you make a film, part of that is shining light on a subject that no one really knows about or knows very little about. That was a long answer to your very short question.

Candee Chambers:

No, it was a very effective answer too. I think you’re giving people some thoughts as to what the documentary really is about. And like I said, we’ll talk about that a little bit more. But as you just said, there isn’t really much discussion about what it’s like to be a caregiver. What did you find was the most compelling about those individuals that, as you put together their stories, that shaped the documentary?

Stephanie Howard:

I was just so impressed with their determination. There was billions and you’re going to hear me talk a lot about resilience because we could make this just a film about, “Oh, these poor people,” but that’s a negative. A positive is, “Yes, they’re going through a lot, but look what they’re coming up with. Look how determined they are. Look how much they love the person who they’re trying to help.” I was so impressed by that resiliency. The other part was I was so happy, but also almost surprised that they were so outspoken.

Candee Chambers:

Yeah, they were. They were. The part that really hit me was how they are playing the hand they’re dealt and they didn’t go into their marriages in any of the situations… Well, I think one of them did, but the others, they certainly didn’t expect to find themselves in this position and they handled it and that speaks volumes for them. I’m sure you probably have plenty of warming stories to tell about some of these people that you worked with. But one statistic…

Stephanie Howard:

Candee, can I step in right there because you and I have talked before. If something like this happened to you or to me…

If my husband or anyone, if this happened to them, would I walk away? If you were violent and wanted to kill me, okay, maybe I would. But you do, and I know this from being a caregiver as a mom, you do what has to be done. You don’t step away. Yes. I respect these people so much and they have gone above and beyond, just like you said, but wouldn’t we step in there?

Candee Chambers:

Do the same thing. Well, my husband has several medical issues and he had thoracic aneurysm surgery a couple of years ago and had a really long recovery. I literally would go home at lunch and fix him lunch. I would fix breakfast. I would come home, cook dinner. He’s retired, which was fine and good, but I’d have to come home and take out the pets and things like that. I work a lot of hours and I changed my travel schedule… I would have my neighbors come over if I couldn’t change my travel schedule. You do what you have to do and I think we probably, just sitting here talking about it, aren’t really focusing on the love that they have for that individual, especially when, as we all know, when people are in difficult physical situations, they can get pretty difficult to work with too because they’re frustrated. That, I think, with the people that they had to take care of, the wounded service members, they weren’t, for the most part, going to get any better.

They weren’t going to have a change of their condition, so this was something they were going to have to go through the rest of their lives basically.

Stephanie Howard:

Right. I think one of the goals has always been to get them to a point where they’re as stable as possible.

Candee Chambers:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and hopefully… I think there were a couple of them that I think… One of them that was and another that I know that you had said since has come around and gotten better. Let’s talk about one of the statistics that really hit home for me when I watched the documentary. Over the last 13 years, only 1% of the US population has served in the military. That just kind of blew me away. That leaves a really huge disconnect between the civilian communities and the service members. How did that statistic fuel your drive to create the documentary and share the caregiver’s stories?

Stephanie Howard:

I didn’t have that exact number going in, it was said in the film. We had it in our research. I think more than anything, it explained to me why we had multiple deployments. I could not figure that out. Why would someone go back to battle three, four, five, some six, maybe more times? Because let’s face it, that increased your odds of being injured, sometimes severely injured. This is the price of an all volunteer army. I’m not going to argue it either way, but in the film even, we had so many vets in Vietnam because of the draft, everybody knew someone. Everybody knew someone. Being in war was much more familiar. I felt like we were getting reports and we heard things on the news, but we didn’t have that connection and we still really don’t with Iraq and Afghanistan. I think it’s sort of surreal. I think that’s why people just… They don’t have the firsthand experience with anyone who served.

Candee Chambers:

And I am kind of surprised at how true that statement is. There are some people that are all in with veterans. Here at DE, we work with NASWA, and we work with the CareerOneStops with all the LVERs and DVOPs. That’s part of our mission is to help veterans get civilian employment, but a lot of people that don’t have anyone in their family who has served, they don’t really understand. That’s where I think this will be a good documentary for people to see, whether or not they have military family members, friends or anything because this opens up a whole new world to some of the issues that they probably didn’t even know existed. Another statistic you brought up was there are 1.1 million family caregivers since the 9/11, actually post-9/11 veterans. I’m just curious, with people like that spread out all over the country, how did you find the participants, both the wounded service members and the caregivers that were really willing to open up their lives and share those intimate moments and experiences with you and with the world and allow themselves to be filmed? How’d you do that?

Stephanie Howard:

This is where the journalism background came in because part of being a good journalist is research and identifying the people who can lead you to more information. That took a lot of work. I probably spent a good year or so just doing research and connecting with people who… I never made a cold call, just so you know that. I always researched and identified individuals who were working with military families or knew military families, either through volunteering through the VA or volunteering as part of a nonprofit for caregivers, that kind of thing. I used these sources in a way where I said, “Look, this is what I’m doing. I’m looking for families or caregivers who would be interested in participating.” Sometimes I would hear back right away and sometimes it would take weeks or months. And of course, I kept calling them and bugging them because that’s also part of being a good journalist. You don’t say, “Okay, I’ll go away.”

The people that we use in the film are really a fraction of who we interviewed. We had to find people who would agree to let us participate and who would want to be with it. Every single person we did speak to, no matter what, said that they… I would ask them why and they would say because we feel it’s really, really important for the private sector, for the public to understand that we exist, that we even exist and that’s a goal of the film.

Candee Chambers:

You know what Stephanie? We were talking about getting ready to do this podcast and I made the comment to someone that these are the type of people that employers would love to hire, these caregivers, because, I mean, actually once… I remember the one lady who had young children and she was constantly running, taking care of the kids, her husband and going in 14 different directors, but once those kids get old enough to go to school and with all of the remote work that everyone’s doing, I honestly, I think there are probably a zillion companies that would love to reach out and give her a job, a remote job working from home. I mean, she could easily do something outside of her caregiver responsibilities because these women, or I’m sure there’s plenty of male caregivers, but I’ll you what, those are the type of people companies want to hire because they don’t stop.

Stephanie Howard:

We always talk about how a mother is–her organizational skills–the more children she has, the better organization skills, that particular woman who’s in the film has children who are now preschool and school aged, for a good year or so, she was working at a preschool through her church. We have an added layer here with the pandemic and you and I should probably speak again when schools reopen, but the added layer is finding a job where they can work remotely, but you do find that these are people who know how to juggle a schedule. You may to need to set… If you’re an employer and you may need to set a Zoom call at a certain time, then you need to be understanding that that might be the time they have to go pick up the kids and know that this is a valuable employee who’s not going to just say, “Oh well, I didn’t have to do that.” They’re going to come back after their kids go to bed and they’re going to be working long hours to meet the expectations that you may have.

But as an employer, it’s really important to understand what their schedule is and what that means. And let me just say one other story and I just heard about this yesterday. I called one of our caregivers because she has participated, actually most recently on a Zoom call that we did a big conference discussion. Her name is Lindsey. I said, “Well, Lindsey, tell me about how you got your job because we’re talking tomorrow about HR.” She said, “You know what? I had to quit.” She said she was in the front office. She was meeting and greeting people. She was answering phones and in the pandemic, she can’t do that. She has a husband who has lost both of his legs and then some. She has two small children and she said if she could have done it at home, she would have. This is someone who’s really bright. I think she a master’s degree in communication.

Candee Chambers:

Oh geez.

Stephanie Howard:

I mean, this is someone who would be ideal. She could work from home right?

Candee Chambers:

Well, you know what Stephanie? See, when people take advantage of watching this film, maybe they’ll be calling you and saying, “Hey, can I have her contact information because I’d like to hire her.” I mean, a lot of our members are still working remote and we’re still working remote. We have a few people, I mean, obviously I’m in the office and I come into the office anyway, but Jordan is here recording this for us. But people come in when they need to, but most of the world and a lot of corporate jobs are still working remote. I think, and I’m speaking from my own personal standpoint, but I’ve learned a lot about how much can still get accomplished when people are working remote. I think a lot companies are proving that they are now more accepting of that work style and I think there’s going to be a lot of better opportunities for caregivers and folks that really have to be home to get some work accomplished.

Maybe when we get people to watch the documentary, like I said, they’ll contact you and say, “Hey, I want to interview her.” So anyway. One thing that I think everyone is at least somewhat aware of is that service members are, for the most part, are very private and they don’t really talk about their wartime experiences. They don’t even cover that with their family members, their closest friends and then to have them actually talk to you, who is basically a total stranger, and then knowing that they had to open up and share all of their stories for a film, was that a challenge? You earned their trust obviously.

Stephanie Howard:

Well, of course it was. Yeah. There was one family we spent a lot of time with them. They were going to be a main story for us. She called me up at one point after we spent days with the camera crew with her and she said, “Do you know what? We just can’t do this. It’s just we’re uncomfortable.” There was a discussion. Well, they had already signed their releases and technically I could have put them in the film, but I’m not going to do that.

Candee Chambers:

You’re not that person, Stephanie. I can tell you that.

Stephanie Howard:

No. I mean, most of us aren’t. Let’s face it. And to do a film like this, of course you’re not. When I see Nikki, we’re friends on Facebook, stuff like that. But once again, not only did they want people to know of who military caregivers are because, let me tell you, at this point, they’re not on base. They’re not on a military installation. They’re not within that close military community that… And I know a lot of the people within that community were supportive, but they ended up with another kind of community, which was caregivers of severely wounded. They stay in touch and they have stayed in touch, but it wasn’t easy because I was not military. If I came in as military, there would probably be a more of a sense of… they would be more trusting.

One of the reasons I did go, one of the many reasons, I did work with sources rather than going directly were almost all of these people were military themselves or they were veterans. They could speak that language. They understood that. But at the same time, they understood what I was trying to achieve and they were champions of that because they could see how important it was.

Candee Chambers:

Well, I agree with you on that. I also though think about when you started the whole documentary. Each scene kind of talked about what the caregiver went through when they found out about their loved one’s injuries. I think about having to relive some of those horrible moments. How did you take those real personal detailed accounts of what they gone through and put them into what was perfectly edited clips to maintain that story? I guess now I’m talking more about not just your journalistic background, but maybe your directing background, your writing background because you obviously have some talents there Stephanie. How did you do that?

Stephanie Howard:

Thank you. I have to give a huge shout out to my other… Alejandro Valdes-Rochin. He’s also my co-editor. The reason is this. We wrote the film in the edit bay. Alejandro narrowed it down because I had multitudes… I had so many interviews. He narrowed it down to the stories he felt were most complete. Also, he is the one who said, “We need to make this 56 minutes. We need to make it an hour.” I said, “Well, why?” He said, “Because it will be concise and it will compact.” I said, “Are we going to miss anything?” He said, “No, we won’t.” He was great because he was coming in from a second set of eyes and he was saying, “Okay, this person is a great story, but she wasn’t really the caregiver. This person is a great story, but she wasn’t really the caregiver.” He worked hard to make it very well rounded. So what would happen is we would go through and talk about the stories. Alejandro would edit for a few days and then I would come in and we need to… What you have to do a lot in documentary and in news is you need to see how the different sound bites, what people say play off one another.

For example, if you said to me, I don’t know, something like, “Wow, you must have a car that you really like.” And then say one of my neighbors said, “You know, that car looks like it doesn’t go very fast.” We have these people talking to one another almost, responding to one another because there’s no narration to fill in. That was really important to me. We’re going to let these people speak for themselves because it’s their story. Alejandro is an artist. He’s a craftsman. We worked really hard together. We worked together something like six to eight months and really found that story and at the same time, the craft. Because when you hear some of the things that people say in the film, that make you kind of step back handy and go, “Wow,” we didn’t do the rat-a-tat-tat-tat that you might see on another subject. What I constantly said to Alejandro and he did this, “We needed to give space. We need to give breathing room.”

If someone says something rather shocking, really intimate, we needed to give space before we went to hear the next person or the next piece of film. We needed to offer that up. That is part of storytelling, you adjust to what your subject is. Do you know what I mean?

Candee Chambers:

Oh yeah. Yeah and you did a masterful job at that Stephanie, both of you did. It’s good to know about him. I think I remember seeing his name, but I didn’t realize the huge impact he had on the development of the film. So you spent about five years with all of these individuals. How would you describe the various roles that the caregivers play each day and how did you… or what was the most surprising thing that you learned?

Stephanie Howard:

It’s sort of what I said before, any one of us, they did the best they could. They researched. They understood. They knew what they had to do for the various kinds of ones. And to me, that was commitment to go above and beyond and not just slap on a bandage, which they never could. But we look at different kinds of ones, we look at… In the film, we look at people with severe burns, that another set of caregiving. We look at people with multiple amputations, aberrant some of them, and there are different kinds of caregiving there. We meet a family that has invisible wounds. He has really severe traumatic brain injury and this huge personality change. What I saw was commitment. Gina, who’s the wife in that story says, “Look, it’s not that I’m going to break my marriage vows. Why would I? He didn’t do something on purpose to hurt me.”

Candee Chambers:

Right. Right. Exactly.

Stephanie Howard:

“He is my husband. I love him. I’m his caregiver.” Well, that was when we did the interview and I am in touch with just about everybody.

Candee Chambers:

I was going to ask you that.

Stephanie Howard:

They have a good time. They laugh together. At the end of the film, you can see they have a great relationship and they know how to have fun.

Candee Chambers:

We comment around here a lot that it takes a village sometimes to get things done or whatever and I’m sure having that sounding board or just somebody to talk to and maybe ask for advice or someone who is sharing some of their difficulties or frustrations or anything, it’s probably very helpful for them.

Stephanie Howard:

It is helpful that I got a sense of this. I got a sense and they told me in these words, they felt alone.

Candee Chambers:

Oh, I’m sure. I’m sure.

Stephanie Howard:

Many, many, many times. Okay. For example, if they have family, frequently the family doesn’t really participate. I’m talking about not their immediate family-

Candee Chambers:

Extended family, yeah.

Stephanie Howard:

The immediate family with the kids, that’s huge. That’s another story and I talk about this being caregiver families because these children are caregivers.

Candee Chambers:

Oh yeah, I know. The one young man, or child actually, walking down the hall with his dad. Yeah. Yeah.

Stephanie Howard:

Yeah. That’s cute for four years old.

Candee Chambers:

Four years. Wow. Wow.

Stephanie Howard:

Teeny tiny.

Candee Chambers:

Yeah. Well and what you said, you step up to what you have to face. And boy, that four year old, he did. That was pretty cool. How did their stories impact your life Stephanie or how did they change the way you see people?

Stephanie Howard:

Wow. I think I look at people now and go, “That person’s a caregiver and they don’t even realize it.” I looked at myself, so I was talking about myself kind of when the camera was off or setting up with a family, the woman, the wife, looked at me and she goes, “You’re telling me these things about your son and it’s really cool, but do you realize you’re a caregiver?” I’m like, “She’s right.”

Candee Chambers:

Wow.

Stephanie Howard:

How I see differently? How it changed my life? Okay. Here’s a big thing. When someone works in news, I’m talking TV and radio news, we sort of keep things at arm length. Automatically, we’ll put our distance between ourselves and the person we’re interviewing because you don’t want to get too attached. You’re not going to be objective, correct? In a documentary like this-

Candee Chambers:

It’s what I wish the journalists would do right now during the election.

Stephanie Howard:

Yeah, well.

Candee Chambers:

I know. I’m sorry, I just said, it’s like I’m tired.

Stephanie Howard:

The people I concern… Okay. But you do need to be… Ethically, you need to be at arms length. It’s really important. I found that I had to kind of work at that. My personality, my own ethics, the kind of person I am, didn’t have that much trouble breaking that down. But from a professional point-of-view, I saw myself becoming personally involved with them, becoming more their friend. They will still get in touch with me. Now, that’s a little… If I were a journalist and I did a story with someone and then they were contacting me, and that’s happened, I would be a little freaked. But in this instance, I’m not. I’ve interviewed them multiple times.

Candee Chambers:

Stephanie, I mean, in the time you and I have gotten to know each other, you are a very open and welcoming person and I’m sure that you were probably kind of a nice outlet for them. It’s somebody that they obviously had to build up some trust in you or they would never have told their stories. I mean, I certainly understand about how you’d be a little freaked if somebody wanted to have a relationship and you’re like, “Okay, I was just doing a story for my job.”

Stephanie Howard:

Yeah. Really. This is really important for me to say and you might have been asking about this, but every single person I interviewed… Remember, not everyone made it into the film. A lot of it was because of time. It’s more than a minute 20, but it’s still 56 minutes. Every single one said that the interview was cathartic.

Candee Chambers:

Oh, I’m sure. I’m sure.

Stephanie Howard:

They said because and the reason is because no one had asked them these questions. There were… I mean, multiple times, they would break down crying. I would break down crying. I could hear the burly cameraman, one of them being my husband at different locations, going and the crew going. At some point when we did turn off the camera, because it’s really kind of an unspoken rule, you try to keep that camera going because that’s when you get the real stuff.

Candee Chambers:

Exactly.

Stephanie Howard:

So we would eventually turn it off and they would just collapse. I would say, “Look, look, I feel bad. I didn’t come here because I wanted to upset you and get that on camera. That is not my intention at all.” They’d say, “No. No. No. No. I’m really glad you’re asking me these questions. No one has asked me before.”

Candee Chambers:

Well, you know what? And I think that’s incredibly important because it made it so authentic and you can tell the difference between a story that’s being told just without any real solid input from characters that are actually involved. It’s not just a story about caregivers, it’s a story involving actual caregivers and it’s different. I think they had made an interesting comment that the military trained you, informs you. They prepare you in case your loved one is killed, but they don’t tell you about what to do or how to take care of some service member who becomes… has a traumatic injury. It sounds like you wanted to actually show that. Let me ask though, was there a noticeable difference for you in the level of caregiving that one caregiver had to take on as opposed to others? Did you notice that when you were interviewing these individuals?

Stephanie Howard:

I’m not getting your question. I’m sorry. Can you say that again?

Candee Chambers:

Yeah. I mean, could you… Actually, can you elaborate on the experiences they shared regarding the level of caregiving that was required? Because maybe one caregiver didn’t have as much that she had to as someone else?

Stephanie Howard:

I don’t think you can make those comparisons. Every single person in the film and when people watch, they will see, every single person has a different story and really this film is a vehicle for their story. They have different family dynamics. They have a different relationship dynamic. The wounds are different and that in itself really speaks to what they needed to do to get by. How many children? What are the ages of those children? Do they have support from parents? In-laws? With a friend who really stepped in? Level of caregiving, I don’t know. Am I understanding your question correctly?

Candee Chambers:

Yeah. No. Yeah, you are. You are. I know that one caregiver said that caring for her husband an all day, around the clock job and another spoke to just it being a long road, but their spouse with independent. I think though you showed very effectively different life situations because I remember the one young man whose mother had to take care of him. You think about when your children grow up, you don’t expect them to be home and relying on you to take care of them. You expect them to go out and build their own life. So that was a different situation, it wasn’t a spouse that was taking care of the service member, it was the member. You’re a mother, just like I am Stephanie, and we deal with our children differently than we’ve ever probably dealt with our spouse and you have different motivations for your children, as opposed to a spouse that would have to deal with that as well. I was just curious if you-

Stephanie Howard:

Okay. Yeah. I don’t know if this is off topic, but I was thinking about this when I was talking before. These wars are different from any other wars we’ve ever fought because our medical advances are saving so many people, so many people in the field. People who would have bled out or died in the field would not… in Vietnam even. We’re to the point now where if someone is injured on the battlefield, they get them to a field hospital, stabilize them, get them out of there to a hospital in Germany, the main military hospital, and stabilize them more so that they can get the flight back to the United States. That could take a day, it could take a few days. It could take longer, but it always amazed me that within a few hours, they were in Germany. Just a few hours. So we’re seeing a level, and we talk about this in the film, we’re seeing a level of injuries coming home we’ve never seen before. The caregivers are the ones who are picking up the pieces on that.

Even if it’s all the hospitalizations, even if it’s the appointments, all the red tape for going through the VA, all of that and insurance, all of that, that’s going to be longterm.

Candee Chambers:

And nobody ever even thinks about that piece of it. I mean, the caregiving is such a big part of the whole situation that they’re facing and the paperwork and all of that, the insurance, the appointments, nobody even thinks about that, so that’s something else that is pretty evident. So given that part of your discussion Stephanie, what do you hope that people take away from your film?

Stephanie Howard:

Well, okay, there are two goals really. One is for people to understand that this really underserved community exists. I mean, maybe I’m using the wrong word, but I feel really strongly that they’re underserved. I think that as we’ve spoken that people don’t see them. People don’t see them.

Candee Chambers:

I think Elizabeth Dole would agree with you. She does a lot from caregivers.

Stephanie Howard:

Yes. Her caregiver foundation has worked a lot. The people who… Her caregiver fellows, there are two from each state, work very hard lobbying and with legislators and with speaking with people in their communities. They’re working on that. There are other organizations that are working directly with caregivers to offer support, to offer classes online, to offer support groups and one-on-one as well because a lot of these families live off the grid. They will live hours away from a metropolitan area, from a VA because some of the service members just can’t take being around a population. They can’t… I went off track here a little bit. We need to know that these military caregiver families are here and we need to reach out to them. The other thing is that we, I think I said this before, this is not a film about a negative. We’re talking about the positive. Here are people who are committed. They’re resilient. They’re courageous. They don’t want people to take pity on them. We want to show that they are an example that we can all live up to and we can be proud of.

Candee Chambers:

Oh, that’s a definite or accurately placed statement. It’s something that you can’t help but watch that film and sit back and just shake your head. I mean, you’re just so proud of what they are able to accomplish. But you know, you started into an area that I was going to just ask and this is basically the last question about the film then I have some fun things I’m going to ask you, but how can people that are listening to the podcast, who watch the film, what is it that they might be able to do to support the caregivers and their families? These caregivers never expected to have an equal partnership with their spouse or a parent and a child and now it’s transitioned to caregiver and patient and I don’t think anyone ever expects to find themselves in that position? What can we do?

Stephanie Howard:

Yeah. What we encourage is to go within their community, sometimes that could be your church or your synagogue or your mosque and say, “Look, can we identify some families who we could maybe adopt, who we could help?” I think if you’re doing anything one-on-one, you don’t ask someone… In any respect, you don’t ask someone, “Oh, just let me know.” No. You say, “Look, can I bring dinner once a week? Can we mow your lawn every two weeks?” If that is received, if the person who needs you accepts your help, you need to stick with it. You need to be committed. You can’t mow their lawn twice and say, “Oh, I forgot.” You need to do that. If you’re going to bring meals, you have a circle and you do that. There is that commitment. But also, when people see this film, I often say it starts a discussion and that’s why you and I are having this discussion now. That’s why we have community screenings because there are so many questions and it starts… the film starts it and it doesn’t live well in a vacuum. Does that make sense to you?

Candee Chambers:

Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. Definitely. And I love your suggestions. I mean, I think those are wonderful suggestions. I’m going to go back to my previous suggestion about employers and literally think about finding the caregivers in your general area or even anywhere really if you have remote work and just see if you could help these caregivers have an outlet? Some of them, I think, companies would be amazed at how much these people would accomplish and they’d be phenomenal employees, so I’m going to add that to the thing that people can do.

Stephanie Howard:

Very good. I agree with you.

Candee Chambers:

Well, good. Good. So Stephanie, you and I hit if off when we first talked several months ago.

Stephanie Howard:

Yeah.

Candee Chambers:

I expect to be longtime friends. I want to help other people get to know the real Stephanie Howard, so I’m going to end our conversation with some rapid fire-

Stephanie Howard:

If my husband were on, he’d be going, “No. Candee, stop there.”

Candee Chambers:

Maybe I should ask him the questions.

Stephanie Howard:

No, please don’t.

Candee Chambers:

Okay. Well, I’m going to just have some fun rapid fire questions and I want you to feel free to say the first thing that comes to mind. I’m going to start. I’ve got five of them. As a broadcast journalist, what has been the one story that you have covered that still sticks out in your mind today?

Stephanie Howard:

Wow. The LA riots. I mean, just the visual of that and to be here. It’s kind of sick, but when something is impacting you personally… Yeah, just broke my heart and I had to pick up the pieces. My job was to work with the reporters coming in from other countries, that just… You know, people have a heart.

Candee Chambers:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was… Boy, I hadn’t even thought about those. But yeah, I’m sure. Who inspires you?

Stephanie Howard:

That’s easy. My two sons. They always have. They’re now in their 20s. They always will.

Candee Chambers:

Well, that’s a neat answer. I think I would probably have to say about my own children, but I never actually put that thought to them, so that was a great answer. Okay. eReader or hardcover book, which do you prefer?

Stephanie Howard:

Hardcover.

Candee Chambers:

Isn’t that funny? I have both, but I still like to have a book in my hand.

Stephanie Howard:

I agree. Yeah, I agree.

Candee Chambers:

I don’t know why. Okay. So being from the Midwest, do you say pop or soda?

Stephanie Howard:

Soda. I’ve been in California a long time. If I said pop, people would look at me and go, “What?”

Candee Chambers:

You know what? I’ve traveled to California. My daughter even lived out there for awhile and I would ask for a pop and you’re right, they do look at you funny. Because I say pop and I got teased way back when I was in high school, when I was in Pennsylvania and I said something about pop and they’re like, “What are talking about? It’s soda.” I was like, “Oh, okay. Well, it’s always been pop to me.”

Stephanie Howard:

There you go.

Candee Chambers:

This is kind of an odd question probably right now with the pandemic, but what is your favorite travel destination, if you could go?

Stephanie Howard:

If I could go, Israel. I’ve been a number of times. Very connected. That’s international.

Domestically… Yeah, domestically, well, I could get there, Wyoming, the Grand Tetons are God’s country. Well, I guess Israel is too. But really what I usually do is I’m in Omaha, Nebraska because that’s where I’m from and that’s where my family is.

Candee Chambers:

Wow. You know what? Now, that’s funny because I have always wanted to go to Wyoming. I’ve been to 43 or 45 states and you just named two that I’ve never been to; Nebraska and Wyoming. I have always wanted to go to Wyoming and I actually had somebody ask me to speak in Kansas one time. I said, “Oh yeah, I would love to. I would love to.” The lady said, “You do realize I said Kansas right?” I said, “Yeah, I’ve never been there.” So I mean, I would love to go to Wyoming and I’d love to go to Nebraska. I actually have some very good friends who are Israel a lot and I’ve heard that that’s just a spectacular trip. A friend on mine of Facebook just had a 10 day trip there during this pandemic, so I was very surprised about that.

Stephanie Howard:

Really?

Candee Chambers:

Yeah. Yeah.

Stephanie Howard:

Everything’s closed down there now.

Candee Chambers:

Well, it was several months ago, but yeah, it was probably before it was closed. But anyway Stephanie, thank you so much for joining me today. We are incredibly humbled by your documentary and hope that we can bring more awareness to the struggles that military caregivers face. You’ve taken their stories…

Stephanie Howard:

You know Candee, it’s fun. It’s always fun talking to you.

Candee Chambers:

Well, thanks.

Stephanie Howard:

The questions were awesome!

Candee Chambers:

Well, I have to give credit to Jamie Costilow, who is our marketing phenom. She leads our marketing team and she just is incredible with pulling together some outstanding questions to help pull the right information from our guests. I think our listeners have learned a lot about you and I really can’t wait until they can watch The Weight of Honor and just more about what military caregivers go through. For people that want to know, they can watch the film eventually in DE Academy. They can rent it from Amazon or download it on iTunes. I can not tell you how strongly I recommend that you do that. You can also go to Stephanie’s website and it’s www.theweightofhonormovie.com. There you can learn more about the film and the caregivers and get all sorts of information. I highly encourage you to do that. And Stephanie, thank you so much for joining us today. This has been terrific.

Stephanie Howard:

Yeah. My pleasure. My pleasure. I’m really, really glad that DirectEmployers wants everyone to learn more about military caregivers. That’s terrific.

Candee Chambers:

Well, I think so, too. Thanks again, Stephanie.

Thank you for tuning in for another episode of the DE Talk Podcast. Stay connected with DirectEmployers on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and be sure to subscribe to the podcast to receive notifications of new episodes each month.